It is January 2nd and I am sick, so sick. I’m having anxiety attacks too, because I’m so weak I keep almost fainting but I don’t want to tell my husband and I can’t let the kids know. I’m afraid I won’t be able to care for them and I wonder how it came to this…
You can call me Dr. AutoSoc. Instead of writing an autobiography I’ll be engaging in autosociology here in this blog. I’ve been looking for a way to bridge the pain and fear that is my post PhD experience with the knowledge that I’ve cultivated for so so long. Et voila! Autosociology is born.
I’m trying to dig out of a deep hole of 10 years of bad decisions coupled with 10 years of wonderful decisions! Much of both the good and the bad can be explained through an individual’s placement within the broader social road maps of social class, race, gender, sexuality etc. That’s the sociological imagination for those of you that don’t know much about sociology. It’s when a person (me, in this case) takes a look at a personal trouble, for example, and seeks to find larger explanations for the presence of that trouble.
For example, I am jobless and freaking the fuck out. That’s a personal trouble. But the reasons that i am jobless are not because I’ve been lazy. No, I work about 40-50 hours a week – to no avail. It’s not because I don’t have the drive to be a good sociologist, oh I do, I do so much, but a shitload of macro forces converged to push me off path one too many times and so now, here I am, PhD after 10 years with nary a pub and thus nary a chance at being a prof… (probably).
I’m a GREAT prof, too. But teaching isn’t enough, wanting it isn’t enough, working as hard as life circumstances warrant isn’t enough.
But you know, I’m also a human and I just recently forgot this… And the pain brought on by the betrayal of my discipline is still ripe and aiding me in losing about 10 pounds because the grief makes it impossible to eat. There’s a lot more sociology in that trend too – but I’ll get to that.
First, the betrayal.